Monday, July 6, 2009

Human is Problem

Here i am in my room of Paris 10th arrondissement wondering what i'm going to do today. I have no more class at university, no more Silat Seni Gayong class at Au Mée or Nanterre or Lille or Dublin. It's still chillin at 6.09 a.m, and i'm still not sleeping. My mind is so mind-less as i'm thinking how to solve my problems this and that.

Everyone got a problem, isn't it? The only one who doesn't have ANY problem indeed IS a problem. He got nothing to worry, nothing to be ashamed, nothing to loose and nothing to be risked at! He seems to be perfect, even happy, but the reality is not. He got brain, but he can't differenciate between pain or pleasure.. A normal human, has the ability to solve the problem. It doesn't stop there, we even have the emotion and tendance to find the answer, to find a solution, to make a problem easier and simpler.

My problem? wow! i got a huge lugage for that! My practical presentation has to be done again in septembre, as the director didn't like it so much when i made it last few days. I thought it will be the best presentation ever, with the main subject of helicopter flight theory and the system of maintenance. I thought also, i can enjoy my holiday after several months of hard work on that project. I thought that seems i'm going to repeat two subjects for a better grades, my holiday would be Silat-Travelling Revision for Paper. But now, another obligation has to be included intoy plan!!!

Another problem? MONEY. yes, you hit me right man. One main problem living in paris is, you pay really expensive for a minimum living place. with my only 3.5m x 4m room, small WC and toilet, mini kitchen, and 2 windows with small balcony, 6th level with unrepaired lift since 3 years and some problem with uninvited guest: a whole family of mice: I pay 600 Euro per month. My scholarship? I got 1000 Euro by JPA of Malaysia. Luckily here in France, the France state pay an amount for the rental for student, much higher if i am titled as "Boursié" (student with scholarship). I get 245Euro per month since living in Paris. But because of the bureaucracy, with lots of paper and lots of meeting, you have to die first before that 'help' comes and transfered into your bank account. With the state, if you late to pay the tax, you have to pay the 'tickets'. But the state itself, won't give your right on time!

As a student, when we got these TWO problems, we are fucked enough. Being sent by your own government to the foreign country with the Rakyat (people) money, is meaning to bring back that Diplome d'Ingenieur or Master Recherche or Master Professionnel. You don't bring back that shit, you are jeorpadizing your own future. You'll have a very first step in your adult life by searching a work NOT to make your life, BUT to pay your debt since 7-8 years scholarship. Having no money to pay your house rental also will haunt your mind. No money to eat is worst. I don't know for anyone else, but i had been in that kind of state that i ate only the "Lempeng", malay Crêpe-like bread. Flour-water-salt, cooked and eaten for few days just to survive. I am quite 'arrogant' person. I will hardly ask any help if i got any problem. Everytime i don't have any choice and have to borrow some money for food, i'll think that i can die anytime before i could repay my debt. That's why i always hesitate to ask any help. By the way, i've learn a lot to ask only to God, not to the creatures.....

Voila voila: as for me, i am stuck here in Paris. wanting badly to go back to malaysia for a even a short vacance, but still my bank account is negative, and my scholarship will only transfered at the end of this month. My Silat teacher is calling me back. He's too old and wanting to heritate me something precious of the art of Silat. I knew the time will arrive. I knew at the very first time, i'm going to explore the wonderful world of Pencak Silat one day. I've travelled so far until now. Without stopping or regrets. This one shouldn't be missed! Eventhough that time is approaching, and i'm still stuck here for the material reason , i'm still hoping that God will facilitate and help me. Hopefully i'll be there for the ceremony. Hopefully i'll solve my problems in study and money. Hopefully i can see my parents and family again. And hopefully, my hopes are listened and granted by God. I'm hoping. I'm hoping. InsyaAllah God willing.....

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